OLIVER IN THE LAKES
　
With hindsight, it was probably not the wisest thing I ever did when I decided to buy Oliver a tent. Or, for that matter, the backpack and sleeping bag which went with it. When he saw the tent and realised it was a little house just for him he was thrilled, and insisted on sitting in it in the middle of the lounge, where we kept tripping over it.
A few days later, I told Oliver that we - my husband, daughter and myself - were taking a short break in the Lake District, explaining that we planned to travel light and so there wouldn't be room for bears. He quite agreed, saying that they did take up a lot of room, and that he didn't like being squashed by bears either. That's when I realised that Oliver doesn't count himself as a bear.

So it was, that Oliver, staggering under the weight of a backpack, case in each paw, and trailing his tent behind him, clambered into the car, and, once he had settled, we set off, to Coniston in Cumbria. As usual, I'll let him tell the story in his own words but will correct his spelling and punctuation because sentences such as 'wee sore beetrex poter's hows hylltopp? &Ware petIr rabbbet!" livd' are not conducive to an easy read.

OLIVER'S DIARY

MONDAY

I packed my tent and my sleeping bag because we are going to the Lake District. It sounds very wet, and I hope I don’t have to do much swimming as I sink easily. I am taking my wellies and my deep-sea diving outfit which has a mask and a snorkel. I have never used it and don’t want to, but if everyone else jumps into the lake I don’t want to be left behind. Because I can’t cook.

The journey took ages, but the scenery was pretty with lots of flowers and trees. Then it began to get hilly, in fact I think they were mountains. They looked very high. We stopped at a place called Ribblehead, where there was an enormous bridge with lots of arches, called a viaduct, stretching right across a valley. Then an engine pulling lots of trucks went over the viaduct - I expect the driver had a smashing view. I think I would like to be an engine driver, because I would like to blow the big whistle and frighten all the sheep and cows.

We saw lots of lakes, and then we went past a really big one called Coniston, and Sue said the chalet was nearby. The chalet was made of wood and it was very cosy, and had lots of comfortable furniture and a balcony which looked over some grass and lots of trees. I started to chill out on the settee, waiting for my dinner, when Sue pointed to the grass outside and said, ‘You can put your tent up there. Byee!’
 I gave Sue a hard glare, opened the door and trudged down to the grass. It was wet. And dark, And cold. Something, probably a dragon, was snuffling in the bushes. I managed to get my tent up, once I’d got my paw unstuck from the velcro fastenings, but I couldn’t undo the buckles on my backpack. I heard something swooping overhead and I knew it was a bat. Bats get caught up in teddy fur. Then an owl called, he went ‘hoooo-wooooh’ - I bet he ate bears for dinner. My tummy rumbled. I could see the lights in the chalet. Suddenly, I ran through the grass before the dragon, the owl and the bat could catch me and I climbed up the steps and pushed open the door. Everyone was having dinner. Sue had laid a place for me! So I sat on a chair, and she said, ‘I guessed you’d be back.’ I’ll try camping again tomorrow. In the daytime.

TUESDAY

We had a lovely day. We went to a place called Sawrey, and visited Beatrix Potter’s house, Hill Top, where I thought Peter Rabbit lived. Sue told me that Peter Rabbit didn’t really live there, but she showed me the dresser from the Tale of Samuel Whiskers, the doll's food which the Two Bad Mice stole and the Tailor Of Gloucester's clock. We saw some of Beatrix Potter’s dolls, too, but she didn’t have a teddy bear, which was a bit sad. I remembered seeing the pretty garden in my Tale of Tom Kitten book. Later we went to Hawkshead where we saw some of Beatrix Potter’s beautiful paintings. I was hungry, so we went for a cream tea with scones in a hotel, and then drove to Tarn Howe where we walked beside the lake. It was very quite and peaceful. We went back to Coniston, stopping to look at the views. I slept in the chalet, because I could hear snuffling outside.
　
　

WEDNESDAY

Today we went to Rydal Mount. It was where a poet called Wordsworth used to live. He was very famous and wrote a poem all about daffodils, which Sue told to me as we walked round his house. The garden was really pretty, though I couldn’t see any daffodils, but there were loads of bluebells which had a lovely smell. We found the summerhouse where Wordsworth used to think up his poems, and we sat in it to see if it made us think of poems too. I thought of one. Sue said it was unusual, which I think means excellent.
Oliver’s Poem by Oliver
Two little teddy bears
Going for a swim
One was friendly
And the other one was Jim.

We then visited Dove Cottage, Grasmere, where Wordsworth also once lived. It was small, yet nine people had lived there, and they used candles and rush-lights. I liked it there, it was really interesting. Best of all was the cafe in the village, because I had hot chocolate fudge cake with ice-cream. It was very yummy. Then I had to have a wash. Sue wanted to know how I had managed to get chocolate on my ears and my sit-upon. I don’t know, chocolate just does that.

Later, we went to Derwent Water, Thirlmere and the Honister Pass. We saw lots of sheep, and it was sunny and very beautiful. I like the Lake District, because you don’t have to swim in the lakes. I frightened a man by mistake - we drove by Coniston Water, and he was sitting in a little boat drinking from a mug. He looked up as we passed, and I kind of slipped along the window. He did a double-take, looked at his drink, then back at me. Perhaps he was surprised to see a teddy bear waving at him from a car!
When we reached the chalet, Sue asked me when I was going to start using my tent. I pretended my ear was full of fluff and couldn’t hear her, and curled up on the sofa.

THURSDAY

We had a really exciting day today - we went on a boat! The boat was called 'Miss Cumbria' and we caught it at Lakeside. It took us to Bowness. It was chilly on the boat, though the sun was out, but it didn’t matter because the scenery was lovely, and there were other boats, ducks and swans. I wish I lived in a house next to the lake, I could go on a boat every day.

When we reached Bowness, we went to a little shop and Sue bought me some Kendal Mint Cake which she said was a special treat in the Lake District. It was soon time to catch the boat back to Lakeside, and this time we went on the 'Tern'. We had lunch at Lakeside, then went to see a waterfall at a place called Aira Force, and I had a snack.

                                                 

When we got back to the chalet, I took my tent and backpack and stomped down to the grass. I put my tent up and it was nice. The birds were singing, and I climbed into my sleeping bag. Then I felt hungry, so I took my tent down, rolled up my sleeping bag and went back to the chalet. Sue sighed and laid another place at the table. Home tomorrow!

FRIDAY

Going home seemed much quicker than coming. When we arrived, I went to see my friends in the hug and told them all about the fun I’d had, sleeping in my tent with the owls whoo-hooing and dragons snuffling outside.

　

OLIVER IN WALES

When I told Oliver we were going to Wales, he immediately thought I meant Whales, and hurried off to pack his scuba diving outfit. After a slight kerfuffle involving a bear, a foot stuck in a flipper and a snorkel with a squashed top, I eased him from the suit, and he sat eyeing me crossly from behind an enormous pile of chocolate spread sandwiches – his comfort food. Although Oliver’s visions of conquering the high seas to seek out Moby Dick had been cruelly dashed, he perked up considerably when I explained that Wales was a land of castles, trains and waterfalls, and was soon waiting by the back gate, his suitcase at the ready. As usual, he kept a diary of his holiday, and, also as usual, I have edited his bear-type spelling which consists of sentences such as ‘in wayles thare is lotz of watter and su tolld me that sumtyms thare ar seels swimin in the eschuery’. I have put my comments in brackets.


SATURDAY

 Me and Sue and the others (notice how dismissive Oliver is of my husband and my daughter) went to Wales today. It was a long journey, but it was very exciting when we saw the mountains in the distance. We are staying at Porthmadog in a lovely flat, right by the river and near the Ffestiniog station where the steam trains are. I spent a long while looking out of the patio doors at the water; there were some children opposite fishing for crabs. When they caught one, they threw it straight back again. It seemed soppy to me, I can never understand how humans think. I’m glad I’m a bear.



SUNDAY

I was excited when Sue said that, today, we could ride on a steam train on the Ffestiniog railway. She explained that the train would take us right up to a slate mine in the mountains, and I had a seat next to the window so I could see the sheep and the beautiful scenery. Our train was called the Merddin Emrys and was ‘a double header’ which meant you got two engines for the price of one. I had my photo taken with the train. Later on we went for a drive in the car and ended up at the Llechwedd slate mine – and I found a new friend there. His name is Taffy, he is a Welsh bear and to prove it he wears a green jumper with a Welsh dragon on the front. He came back to the flat with me. (I had no choice in this matter. Taffy attached himself to Oliver in the shop, and I wasn’t sure whether bears could be accused of shoplifting, so thought I had better pay up.)

MONDAY

It rained. And then it rained. And then it rained some more. Later, we heard that there had been so much rain, it broke the June records in Britain. We decided to go to Betws-y-Coed and look round the shops, but I got wet ‘cos I can’t run very fast as I only have little legs and I had forgotten my brolly. Also, I fell into a puddle. I didn’t like that, but Sue took me to a café for some hot soup to warm me up. Then we went for a drive through the mountains – it was very exciting as water was pouring down across the road, and we had to drive through very deep puddles which sent spray all over the car. We saw rivers swirling through the fields, and when we went past a reservoir, we saw that a house had water halfway up the wall. (And a certain bear had to be restrained when he decided he wanted to visit that house, with the water halfway up the wall.)

In the evening we went to Criccieth and sat by the sea. There was a castle on the cliff, and we saw a rainbow right over the water. The ends of it were in the sea, so if you tried to dig for the pot of gold, you would get very wet. (Once again, a certain bear had to be held back – he didn’t realise the sea was deep.)


TUESDAY

Sue told me we were going to visit a very pretty village today; she said it was one of her favourite places. Now it is one of my favourites, too. The village was called Portmeirion, and was built over seventy years ago by a man called Sir Clough Williams-Ellis, in an Italian style, with pink and blue and yellow cottages, and lots of pillars, balconies and statues. There were beautiful gardens, and you could walk down to the estuary and see the long stretches of pale gold sand. We had yummy ice-creams there, and a delicious meal. Sue took me into the china shop which sells special Portmeirion plates and cups and vases; I knew about Portmeirion china because we use it at home – well, Sue and the others do. I have to use my plastic plate and mug, as Sue thinks I’m clumsy. I’m not really clumsy, but bear’s paws can’t always hold things properly. Sue bought a lovely big bowl decorated with fish, in the shop. (Yes, and I made sure it was packaged up in bubble wrap, and placed well out of reach of little paws.)

WEDNESDAY

In Wales there is lots of water and Sue told me that sometimes there are seals swimming in the estuary. Suddenly, I saw one! I was just looking out of the patio window when I noticed a seal in the water, eating a huge fish. I watched him for a long while as he dived below the water, then popped up again with his fish. We went to a Slate Museum today, at Llanberis, which is right at the bottom of Snowdon, the highest mountain in Wales. There was a little train which went round the lake, and there were shops selling wooden toys and pottery. The museum was really interesting, and you could see all the wagons they used in the mines.

Later, we went to a village called Beddgelert. Really, it should be called Beargelert, because many years ago, a very brave teddy bear was guarding a baby when a wolf rushed in. The teddy fought the wolf and killed him, but when the baby’s father returned, he saw the upturned cot and the baby on the floor, and thought the teddy had gone mad and tried to kill the baby – so he chopped the bear into bits. Then he found the dead wolf, but the poor teddy couldn’t be mended, so he was buried at Beargelert, and now thousands of people visit the village to see where the brave bear is lying. (Very touching, Oliver – but it was, actually, a brave dog, not a bear….)

THURSDAY

Today we visited Llandudno, and went right up to the top of a huge hill called the Great Orme. It was very, very windy – I nearly got blown over the edge, but Sue held on to me really tightly. (Perhaps I should have let go.) There was a lovely view over the sea, and there was also a café serving delicious dinners. (What is it about bears and their tummies?) Later, we went to the Alice In Wonderland exhibition which is in the town. When Alice was a little girl, she often visited Llandudno. Lewis Carroll wrote a story about her. A long while after, a statue of the white rabbit was put on the cliff. I think there should be a statue of me there, because I’m a famous bear and I visited the town too. (I think you are a big-headed bear, and if anyone deserves a statue it is me, for putting up with you.)


FRIDAY

Today we visited Caernarvon, which is a very important place in Wales, and it’s where Prince Charles was invested forty years ago. I have a new vest, too, but I didn’t get mine in a castle, I got it in a shop which sells teddy clothes. (You didn’t actually need to discuss your vest with the bemused man in the ticket booth - it was quite embarrassing.) The castle is by the river, and there were lots of boats. It was still very windy though. On the way back, we stopped at place set up by the RSPB where you could see big birds, called ospreys, nesting in a tree. I looked through the telescope and saw one fluttering his wings. I would like to be an osprey and catch fish with my toes, too.


SATURDAY

We came home today. I really liked Wales, I think I would enjoy living in a Welsh castle; one with a waterfall near by and a steam train running round the outside. And I would like a pet Welsh dragon. (You’re welcome to go, Oliver….)  I am sad, though, that Kate and Wills didn't invite me to tea. I s'pect they didn't know I was coming to Wales. (Oliver, I bet they did know, and so they decided to go out.)

Royal Beariety Show

THE ROYAL BEARIETY SHOW
By Susan Brewer
I’m writing this blog on Oliver’s behalf, so I can explain just what the dressing up is all about!

It was Oliver’s idea, of course (it normally is), but in a way it was my fault for giving him a conjuring set for his birthday. In next to no time he was practising card tricks, producing coins from thin air, performing sleight of paw card tricks and bamboozling the others in the hug. (Not that it takes much to bamboozle them). I did have to draw the line when dear little Cutie appeared with sticking plaster on her arm, and whispered to me that Oliver had tried the ‘sawing a bear in half trick but it went a bit wrong’. I hurriedly had a few stern words with him and divested him of the saw from his junior carpenter’s set. However, on the whole I was amazed at how quickly he had learnt to ‘conjur’, as he called it.

Oliver’s inspirational idea was to hold a ‘Beariety Show’, and of course, when he announced his plan everyone wanted to take part. We had to hold auditions, rather like X Factor. To make it even posher, we decided to invite Prince and Princess Bruin, who accepted with alacrity, though it was probably the promise of eats afterwards, rather than the actual show, which prompted them to attend. Once rehearsals started I was pleasantly surprised to see the varied talents which the members of the hug revealed.
So, sit back, relax and enjoy the highlights of the Royal Beariety Show.


PROGRAMME
Royal Beariety Show
Held in the presence of Their Royal Hairinesses The Prince and Princess Bruin, at the Bearladium Theatre.
Admission free (Pay at the door!)The management respectfully requests that no honey, jam, marmalade or other sticky substances are brought into the auditorium.

ORDER OF EVENTS

The Master of Bearemonies welcomes Their Royal Hairinesses The Prince and Princess Bruin.

The Follies Beargere Girls – Direct from Paris, France

The Great Bearendo Conjurer – Astounding sleight of paw

Violinist Stradibearius – His music will bring tears to your eyes

Ventriloquist Kanu C Milipzmoove and his talking dummy, Bobby Braces

Jiggler the Juggler – A bear with dexterous paws

Bearie Lloyd – Our favourite Music Hall Star

Will Shakesbeare (and Agent)

The Spice Bears – Five bears with attitude

Corkscrew the Contortionist – Cubs, don’t try this at home!

Our very own Cheeky Chappie – Bear-faced cheek

Elvis – Get ready to swoon!




The Master of Bearemonies greeted the Royal Guests, Their Royal Hairiness Prince and Princess Bruin, before showing them to their seats.

First on were the girls from the Folies Beargere, who gave a spirited rendition of the Can Can (though one cheeky member of the audience was heard to mutter, ‘More like the Can’t Can’t’).

Next came Oliver as The Great Bearendo (See top picture). As he performed, the incredulous audience responded with gratifying gasps, even though they had watched him practising for weeks. Apart, that is, from one small bear in the front row who kept yelling ‘I saw how you did it!’ This naughty little bear was later ‘magicked’ head first into the conjuror’s top hat (once the rabbit had been produced), thankfully muffling the heckling, to the relief of the audience.


A short but sweet performance by our very own Stradibearius on his violin. He played, ‘The Teddy Bears Picnic’, which, with hindsight, perhaps wasn’t such a good choice. The Master of Bearemonies had to rush on to tell the audience it wasn’t supper time yet.

Then came the ventriloquist, Kanu C Milipzmoove. His dummy was ably played by dear little Bobby Braces, and if he helped out by speaking, no-one complained. In a complete reversal of the usual stunt, Bobby Braces ate a honey sandwich and drunk fizzy pop while Kanu continued to talk – the audience were flabbergasted, and the applause was stupendous.


None of us knew that Harry could juggle, but apparently he had been practising for ages with eggs, which explains the trail of egg yolk and broken shells I kept finding in the kitchen. I was under the impression we had weasels…. Harry juggled with a set of coloured balls in the show, as he couldn’t find any eggs. (I made an omelette earlier, I didn’t know they were needed as ‘props’.) He also produced a set of clubs, but unfortunately he threw them rather too high and one hit the Master of Bearemonies on the head, which didn’t go down too well (with the MB) though the audience loved it, thought it was part of the act and it was several minutes before order was restored).

Old Time Music Hall Star Bearie Lloyd gave a spirited rendition of ‘It’s One Of The Bruins That Cromwell Knocked Abaht A Bit’, following it up with ‘The Bear I Love Is Up In The Gallery’ and ‘My Old Bear’ (Said Go To The Lair And Don’t Dilly Dally On The Way). The audience adored her and she took several encores.



Will Shakesbeare was on next, reciting a selection of the famous b(e)ard’s works. He began with ‘If honey be the food of love’, following up with ‘Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your bears’ before wowing the audience with several extracts from ‘The Merry Thoughts of Windsor’. Naturally, his agent was on hand throughout, partly to ensure his protégé remembered his lines, but mainly to ensure he received his ten per cent cut.


Now we had one of the show’s highlights – The Spice Bears. Ginger, Sporty, Scary, Posh and Baby were fantastic and deservedly received a huge round of applaws. Their versions of ‘Wanna Bear’ and ‘Spice Up Your Steiff’ had everyone stomping in the aisles, while Ginger’s tight and short union jack dress made the male bears whistle.

Then came Corkscrew, aka Clicker, our resident contortionist, to demonstrate his amazing flexibility. Robbie, in the back row, decided he could do just as well. Unfortunately, his leg jammed around the back of his head, and at the time of writing, we are still desperately trying to free him.

Naturally we couldn’t have a variety show without a comedian, and who better than our very own Cheeky Chappie? His jokes were corny, and we had all heard them hundreds of times before, but that didn’t matter. We still laughed when he said, ‘I say, I say, I say, why did the bear blush? Because he had a bear behind!’ Cheeky appeared with his pink zebra, who doubled as his stooge. ‘I say, I say, I say, what happened when the teddy saw the zebra crossing? He climbed onto its back and crossed safely!’

This was the one we had all been waiting for – Elvis, aka Oliver. He had the hip swivel, the curling lip and the toss of the head all off to a T, and as he strutted onto the stage several of the younger girly bears in the front row swooned. You should have heard him. From the opening strains of ‘Blue Suede Paws’ through to ‘I just want to be your Teddy Bear’, ‘Houndbear’, ‘Merrythought’s The Name Of His Latest Flame’, and the final ‘Jailhug Rock’, Oliver – sorry – Elvis, was magnificent. As the audience erupted, the Master of Bearemonies announced ‘Elvis has left the building’. Of course he had. He had raced next door where he was busy scoffing all the sausage rolls.

The general consensus was that it was a wonderful evening, and that the hug must do it again. Well, maybe they will. But not till next year. My nerves won’t stand it.

CAST LIST (in order of appearance)

Master of Bearemonies - Paddington

Prince Bruin - Prince Bourton

Princess Bruin - Ponkle

The Folies Beargere Girls - Hudson, Hardy, Hampton and Hieronymous

The Great Bearendo - Oliver

Stradibearius - Bobby Ganz

Kanu C Milipzmoove - Alfonso, and Dummy (Bobby Braces)

Jiggler the Juggler - Harry

Bearie Lloyd - Norah

Will Shakesbeare - Will, and Agent - Will Wannabe

Spice Girls - Blancmange (Posh), Macaroon (Scary), Patriotic Punk (Ginger), Baby Blancmange (Baby) and Tennyson (Sporty)

Corkscrew the Contortionist - Clicker

Cheeky Chappie - Bric-a-Brac

Elvis - Oliver

OLIVER GOES TO NORFOLK




When I told my family that it was time to set out for our holiday in Norfolk, I didn't realise that Oliver was listening. I certainly didn't expect him to assume that he was coming too. But what can you do when a fifteen-inch high ball of golden fluff excitedly staggers up to you loaded with 2 suitcases, a picnic hamper, a deckchair and five keyrings all labelled 'Oliver'? So, this is Oliver's diary, just as he wrote it, except that I've corrected his (atrocious) spelling. I've also included punctuation, because, as Oliver says, 'Bears don't do dots.' You will, no doubt, notice his preoccupation with food!


Sue



SATURDAY

When I heard Sue say 'Holiday' I thought it meant sharp thorns, like the holly last Christmas, which I sat on. Ow! Then she talked about boats and trains and lots of ducks, and I knew it would be something nice. I don't know why she wouldn't let me take my red devil Hallow'een suit or my black satin tailcoat and white silk shirt, but she said they weren't suitable. She also made me unpack my train set, spaceman's helmet, big toy parrot, alarm clock with bells, wellie boots, skateboard and tin of choccie bickies. And the cat.I waved to everyone out of the car windows, till Sue made me sit on the floor. She said I was distracting people, but it wasn't my fault that a little girl waved back while she was drinking orange juice and it went all over her mum.





It didn't take long to get to the place we were staying, in Wroxham, Norfolk, right by the river. I was soon relaxing on the veranda, watching the boats and ducks. One gave me a feather - a duck, not a boat. Boats don't have feathers, though I think Catamarans might be furry. I put the feather in my scrapbook. Later, we walked around the marina, and I saw a boat with Rosie and Jim peeping from the window. I like Rosie and Jim, I watch them on television so I wanted to go and say hello, but I couldn't jump across the water.


SUNDAY

After my usual breakfast of honey and bacon sarnies, honey and toast, honey-covered cornflakes and tea (with plenty of honey), I had a wash - why do bees make their honey so sticky? We went to visit a stately home called Blickling Hall, which was built in the early 17th Century, one of England's great Jacobean houses - I'm not sure what that means, but I think it means it's very old. As Sue is a member of the National Trust we didn't even have to pay, and we explored the rooms which were full of wonderful paintings, carved furniture and plush sofas. The beds were enormous with curtains and canopies. I wish I had a bed like that. I usually sleep on a pink cushion on Sue's black leather office chair. She doesn't know, but at night I make it spin round and round and round.

The gardens at Blickling Hall were beautiful, and I sat amongst the lavender which smelled lovely. Sue told me that some teddies are stuffed with lavender and people use them to scent their bedrooms. I hurried off quickly. There was a secondhand bookshop at Blickling, and Sue was very pleased because she found an old annual which she'd had when she was small. She told me that it contained a story about a little girl who was going to be May Queen, so she asked her mummy to call her early. Sue always wondered why the little girl wanted to be called 'Early' instead of her real name!We had a delicious meal at Blickling, followed by strawberries and cream.

MONDAY

We went to Great Yarmouth, but it rained. Most of the day Sue carried me in a plastic bag to stop me getting wet. She bought me a bunch of feathers on a loop to fit over my ear. It makes me look a bit like a duck.Later we visited a craft centre called Wroxham Barns, where I bought loads of fudge. I also sampled the cider. Several times. Sue bought a notice to hang up at home which says, 'Some people have interesting lives. Other people have tidy houses.' I think Sue must have a very, very, very, very interesting life! (Are you being cheeky? Sue.) I went to the little fair, too. There was a Peter Pan railway and a roundabout. Then I found a shop which sold lots of different kinds of honey!

TUESDAY

We have hired a boat for two days. It has lots of comfy seats and a tiny kitchen, called a galley. As soon as we climbed on board, I looked at the map of the Broads to work out which way to go. Once Sue had pointed out that we had to follow the blue route, and we couldn't go along the yellow route, as I first thought, as yellow meant roads, I decided that we would go to Ranworth where we could moor and have our lunch. I am captain of this boat, and have to say things like 'Ahoy there', 'Splice the mainbrace' and 'Weigh the anchor', only I don't know what a 'hoy' is, I haven't got a mainbrace to splice and there aren't any scales so I can't weigh the anchor, though I do know it's very heavy. I don't suppose it really matters. It was lovely cruising the Broads, and we saw lots of coots, grebes, moorhens, ducks, geese and swans. Some of them had babies, and I lent over the side to throw in bits of bread. Sue held on to me because she said the water was very deep, though I think she's wrong as it only comes a little way up the ducks. Did you know that grebes sometimes carry their babies on their backs? They looked very sweet, enjoying their pick-a-back rides. Coots are funny birds - they have big grey feet with squidgy toes, and when you throw the bread they run very fast towards you across the top of the water. They made me laugh. It was a good job I brought my picnic hamper because I noticed Sue hadn't packed any bear-sized cups or plates. I gave the ducks my crusts, but I'm glad they don't like honey. I expect they like choccie biscuits, but I didn't try as I only had two. We found a very peaceful stretch of water, and saw an enormous heron. It flew right near the boat and scared me a bit; I thought it was an eagle.

WEDNESDAY

We went on the boat again. It was moored right outside our veranda, so we
could make an early start. As we went through Horning we admired all the lovely thatched cottages and houses which back onto the river. It must be smashing to live there, you could go sailing every day and have your own pet duck. We found a pretty creek which led to Ludham, and moored at Womack Staithe for our picnic lunch.In the evening we went to a restaurant in Wroxham and had pizza, which was delicious, even though it didn't have honey on it. And for pudding, we had three different kinds of ice cream.

THURSDAY


An exciting thing happened today. We went to Sheringham, and bought tickets to ride on a steam train, on the Poppy Line. And afterwards the driver let me go in the cab! There really were lots of poppies, too - they grew all along the edge of the track, and shone bright red in the sunshine. The train chuffed and puffed and said 'hwoooo' as we went under a bridge. The shop at the station sold little shoulder bags, and Sue bought me one. She asked what colour I'd like, and I chose red to match the poppies. I can keep my pennies, jelly babies and hanky in it. Or, perhaps I could fill it with honey...?
We went to Cromer, too, and had delicious sandwiches, though they didn't have any sand in them. Ha, ha. I made a joke!

FRIDAY


I can't believe that we have to go home tomorrow. I think I'll stay here for ever and ever. We went to a place called Sutton to visit a windmill. It was very exciting, climbing right up to the top. We had to go up lots of ladders, and, if you were tall, you had to keep your head down in case you bumped it on a beam. I was alright, as I'm only little. It was worth the climb, as the view from the top was amazing - I could see right across the fields. By the Mill was a museum which was full of old packets and boxes and tins. It was showing what life was like in times past. There were old-fashioned shops including a chemists and a grocer's, with big wooden counters and cash registers with keys like a typewriter has. Sue took a photo of me sitting on the counter, but I'm not for sale. Not really. Am I? Sue? Sue?

We went to a pub, and had the most delicious crab sandwiches. They were yummy. I like crab nearly as much as honey. If they had honey on, they would have been perfect.Then we went to another kind of windmill, called a windpump, at Horsey. This one was owned by the National Trust. I climbed all the way up to the top. When we came down, I had a chocolate ice-cream, and sat by the river watching the swallows. They were swooping over the water, catching insects. I'm glad bears don't have to swoop over the water to catch insects. Yuk!



SATURDAY

We had to go home today. I packed my cases, hamper and deckchair and was soon ready. I found some swan's feathers to put in my scrapbook, and I went to the shop to buy some postcards to stick in, as well. I'm a bit sad to be leaving Norfolk, but I've had a lovely holiday. Still, it will be good to see all my friends at home. I can show them the photos and my diary, and tell them about my adventures. I wonder if anyone else would be interested?

The Diary of a Teddy Bear

INTRODUCTION

Oliver is a fifteen inch high Merrythought teddy bear with lots of attitude. He lives in deepest Essex with Sue, who is a writer, and family. Here in this blog he shares his thoughts, his adventures and his rather odd take on life.

Oliver is a well-dressed bear, with clothes for all occasions. He favours casual wear, but can look smart when he needs to.

Hello,

My name is Oliver and I am a special bear. I have been given my own blog so I can tell people what I do and where I go. However, teddy bears can’t write very well, because their paws are full of fluff and get caught in the computer, so I am having to write this slowly. Please read it slowly so that you don’t get too far ahead of me. Otherwise you will be reading a blank page.

Bears have their own special spelling, and we don’t do those dot things which you call ‘punctuation’, so Sue is correcting it all for me as I write, because she thinks you’ll find it hard to read if she just puts it up in bear writing. Here is a bit of bear writing for you to see, though. All my teddy friends can read it and they write just the same, but I will let Sue ‘translate’ the rest of my blog.

‘Helo mi nayme is oliverrrrrrrrr sori I got mi por cort in the kei bord an I am a speshul baer I hav bin givun mi oune blogg so I can tel peepel wot I do an ware i goe’
See, it’s not really difficult to read, is it? Anyway, now I will tell you about myself, cos I think that’s what blogs are meant to do.

Sue has lots of bears, but I am the most special of all, and I am important because I go on holiday with her, and I go visiting. My best friends in our ‘hug’ are my gang - Cheddar, Macaroon and Punk. We have just been joined by Toastie, who is Macaroon’s long lost twin brother, who Sue found forgotten in a carrier bag in the spare room.

Punk is very cheeky, and he wasn’t meant to be in my gang but he kind of latched on. Cheddar looks sad, but he is really very funny, always telling jokes. He finds it useful to look sad, ‘cos Sue feels sorry for him and gives him extra biscuits. Macaroon and Toastie both growl a lot, but they are friendly, and very happy since they found each other again. We have adventures and stuff, and when Sue sees us whispering together, she always says that ‘trouble is bruin’ (which is a joke).

There are also two Togglitt bears, Mothball and Tyla, who try to see what we are up to, and sometimes we let them join us, but they are a bit shy, and also very inquisitive. We keep having to pull them out of jugs and drawers and things. Mothball likes to pretend he is a hippie, and so Sue made him a hippie waistcoat, but Tyla hasn’t decided whether he wants to be a hippie yet. He has taken to wearing a red bell off a Lindt chocolate rabbit, so is trying out the look but without the beads and fringed clothes.


I also have a bear friend called MK. MK lives quite a long way from me, so we don’t meet up much, but we are paw pals, and write emails to each other in bear spelling. I have another email friend too, her name is Dora and she is a doll who lives in Wales. Sue has lots of dolls, as well, but most of them giggle a lot and chatter all the time, which annoys me and the gang. My best dolly friend at home is Lulu; she is a very cheeky doll, and is an honorary gang member.



When I am not on my travels, or having adventures, me and my friends sometimes act out plays and put on concerts. Not long ago we had a show and I was a conjurer. I tried to make a rabbit come out of a hat; it didn’t work quite right, but everyone clapped anyway. And then I dressed up as Elvis Presley and sang ‘I Just Want To Be Your Teddy Bear’ and ‘Blue Suede Paws’. Once, we did a ballet. I was a soldier and Grace, one of the big (very, very big) girl bears was Sugar Plum Fairy. I will put pictures up on my blog of our shows, so you can see them. We’ve also acted out a pantomime - it was Jack and the Beanstalk. I was Jack and had to climb up and up and up till I found the giant, but it was really Mr Chad, the biggest bear in our hug, pretending to be fierce.

I hope you’ll enjoy reading my blogs and seeing the pictures of my adventures. Now my paws ache with all the typing, so while Sue does things to my spelling so you can read it properly, I will sneak into the kitchen and pinch some chocolate biscuits from the tin with the chickens on the lid. And I might have a honey and marmite sandwich as well.

Bear hugs

Oliver